Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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