Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
