Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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