i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize