I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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