Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
