Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Damn victory sex feels great
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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