I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
