my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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