My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
