If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
just tell him i said nine months
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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