I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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