"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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