You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
