He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
