Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
