I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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