Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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