sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
