too bad you live with your parents still
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
