I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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