Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
