I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
