oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
