I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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