his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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