Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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