Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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