I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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