So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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