Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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