You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
