The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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