like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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