turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
