On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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