the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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