She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
