So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dignity is for republicans.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
