He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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