That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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