My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
