I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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