Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
