you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
