I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize