So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
