How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
