dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
