I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
