did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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