I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
