"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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