So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
