Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
