I can text with my tongue
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
