I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
