Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
