Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
