how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
she pinky promised me she was 18
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
