Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
