I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
