sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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