Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
